Pain is The Reason I Exist.
There’s a point in life where you question everything that happens. It’s like karma is out to get you, but is it karma if you’re a relatively good person?
I’ve questioned my existence, God’s existence, my purpose, what would happen if I decided to end my life, why shitty things have happened to me consecutively, things I honestly don’t deserve.
If you’re not familiar with the Yoruba language, my name is Oluwatumininu. It means God has comforted me.
Everyone’s reaction to my name is virtually the same. Oh my goodness, you have a nice name, it’s sexy, yadayada. You can’t moan the full thing sha, unless you want to have a seizure during coitus.
But I’ve thought about that name and the circumstances that surrounded my birth. It’s a very popular saying that names play a very vital role in people’s lives, and I might have figured something out.
You can’t comfort someone who is already happy. Comfort comes from a place of pity, of sadness, of fear, of loss. Who needs comfort when you’re comfortable?
The fact that my name means God has comforted me establishes another fact that I’m familiar with pain and loss, and it isn’t something that will vanish anytime soon.
I attract fear and pain. It is the reason I exist. Darkness looms around me. I would get hurt over and over, but the good thing is, that comfort that I am supposed to be, will find me at the end.
The question is, will the dark days last longer than the slightly good days? Am I going to crave for comfort all my life? Will I ever attain a certain level of peace and satisfaction that I don’t have to struggle to find happiness?
Will I have to beg for Oluwa to tumininu everyday till my dying breath? Or should I find comfort in the fact that I am a child of darkness even if I’m afraid of the dark?